A Midsummer Night's Nightmare
by nlduffy
Summary: What happens when the boys from Yu Yu Hakusho are forced to whip a wimpy 16 year old wizard into shape? Hilarity, male pregnancy, and quite a few short jokes. :P PG-13 for language. Pairings are: HieiKurama, HarryKurama, Hieisomeone else..(hehehe)
1. Suicide

DISCLAIMER! As you probably know, I do not own Harry Potter or Yu Yu Hakusho. What a pathetic life I lead. XD  
  
Harry stood facing Aunt Petunia's full-length mirror. He hoped this trick would work. He couldn't bear the pain any longer. "No one is ever going to leave me again! It's my turn!" He took a deep breath. "Avada Ke---" He stopped short. Something in the mirror's reflection intrigued him. It appeared as if a blue haired geisha had toppled out of his ceiling. He gave a bored sigh. "Let me guess. You're some apparition from the land of the dead, come to stop me from killing myself." The strange girl giggled. "Bingo! I know this is going to be hard to believe but." Harry cut her short. "Cut the crap, lady. There are only three people I'd listen to right now, and they're all dead. So unless you magically have a message from one of them, I'd suggest you fuck off." She sighed. "Sirius knew you'd try something like this. That's why he sent me." Harry gawked. She bowed. "I am Botan, guide of the River Styx. I took your parents to the spirit world 15 years ago, and your godfather earlier this summer. They agreed to accept their positions in the Underworld under one condition: That you remain safe here on earth. In short, if you kill yourself, you'll be dooming everyone who ever loved you to a life of endless torment, wandering the earth." As added confirmation of this strange story, Sirius' face appeared in the palm of Botan's hand. "Listen to her Harry!" Harry jerked backwards, as though he'd been shot, and crumpled noiselessly to the floor. Botan sighed. "Shit. The boys are going to have a lot of work to do."  
  
Harry regained consciousness to the sound of several voices talking above his head. Groggily, he pushed himself up and adjusted his glasses. Three completely unfamiliar faces stared back at him. "Who the bloody hell are you?" He shouted. The one in green laughed.. "Let me guess. You fainted before Botan could tell you who we are." Harry blushed a furious red. "It's okay," The other boy continued, "I would have fainted the first time I met her, if I hadn't been dead." Seeing Harry's confusion, he stopped blabbering and introduced himself. "I'm Yuusuke Urameshi, Spirit Detective. And the red head on my right is Kurama, also known as Suuichi, also known as Yoko. Don't ask. And the short one on my left is Hiei." Harry, in shock, repeated his question. "Who the bloody hell are you?" Hiei snorted. "Hn. He's too stupid. Let us kill him now." Kurama turned to him. "No Hiei. Didn't you listen to Koenma? This boy is the only thing that keeps the universe in balance. If you kill him, we all cease to be." Hiei glowers. "Good Riddance." Further bickering was stopped by Yuusuke forcibly inserting himself between them. "Don't listen to them Harry. They aren't human, they don't know how tough we have it." Harry sighed, resigned to the strange trio's presence. "Whatever guys. Look, I gotta crash. This attempted suicide thing can wear you out, especially when you're interrupted by three basket cases." He flopped on the bed. "See you in the morning. I'd offer to let you stay here, but my aunt and uncle would kill me if they found out. And we don't want that, do we?" He smiled innocently. "There might be room in the gardening shed, if you scrunch." 


	2. Training

"Puu?"  
  
"Hn. Told you he'd still be asleep."  
  
"He's almost as lazy as Yuusuke."  
  
"Hey! But I'm allowed to sleep in. I'm not the Savior of the Universe, or whatever he is."  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Don't make me punch your face in, Hiei."  
  
"I doubt you could brat."  
  
Further contemplation of this strange dialogue was impaired by the arrival of something small, blue and fuzzy on Harry's face. "Puu?"  
  
"Gaaaaaah!" was all Harry could manage with a blue kamikaze on his windpipe.  
  
"Get off, Puu!"  
  
"I'm starting to like your inner teddy bear, Yuusuke."  
  
"Shut up Hiei!"  
  
Harry's imminent doom was averted by a pair of delicate white hands that dislodged the pint-sized assassin from Harry's face. "Don't worry about Puu, Harry." The one he thought was Kurama said. "He's just a little over- eager to start your training." Harry gave a bitter laugh, following the strange trio out into the garden. "What can you three teach me that I haven't learned after five years at Hogwarts?" Yuusuke laughed. "Quite a bit, actually. Is there a park nearby?" Harry gaped. "Hunh?" was the most expressive articulation he could come up with. Yuusuke cracked his knuckles impatiently. "A park! Wide open spaces! Or don't you British have those? I was just trying to be considerate. I didn't think you wanted a hole in your house." Harry chuckled bitterly. "Quite the contrary. The sooner this shit-hole bites the dust the happier I'll be." Yuusuke laughed and, taking a fighting stance, raised his finger and cocked it like a gun. "SPIRIT GUN!" He shouted, and a blast of something blue shot out of his finger and obliterated the center of the house on Privet Drive.  
  
Harry shrugged. "I've seen spells do worse." Yuusuke frowned. "Fine." Shrugging off his shirt, he continued. "Here's the deal. You hit me with everything you've got. If you injure me, we'll go home." Hiei and Kurama exchanged knowing glances. Ignoring them, Harry replied "Fair enough." He drew his wand. "No hard feelings right?" "Right."  
  
"Cruciatus!" The curse hit Yuusuke full blast, causing him to double over, yelling something Harry guessed were swear words in Japanese. Then he twitched and fell over, motionless.  
  
"Shit." Harry swore, dropping his wand and running towards Yuusuke. "I'm just as bad as Bellatrix Lestrange!" He didn't notice Yuusuke's smile until too late, and found himself wondering what exactly he missed as he was bodily picked up and slammed against a wall. Yuusuke laughed. "Rule number one: Just because they're down doesn't mean they're gone. An enemy will often try to trick you. Rule number two: Never drop your weapon. That's a nice curse you've got there, I just might get a bruise. You need to internalize your power, stop using that silly stick. Now, let's see how good your fists are!" Harry nodded and managed to deliver one feeble punch before collapsing under Yuusuke's blows. "Pansy," he heard Hiei mutter just before blacking out. 


	3. Confrontation

Harry regained consciousness to the fuzzy sound of voices. "This seems to happen a lot," he thought to himself. Yuusuke poked Harry's body gingerly. "Are you sure he's okay? I mean, we are supposed to help him."  
  
"Well, technically." Kurama mused, "We already have helped him. I'm sure Koenma would let us leave. This torture is inhumane, even for demons!"  
  
Lightening flashed outside, even though there were no clouds to be seen.  
  
"Or not." Kurama sulked, folding his arms across his chest and doing his best not to pout. Hiei snorted. "If we kill him, we can leave."  
  
"But you'd be thrown back in jail. Remember, you're still on probation. Face it. We're stuck with this wimpy wizard for some undetermined length of time." Kurama and Hiei scowled darkly, sending almost identical death glares at the not quite as unconscious as they thought boy on the bed. Yuusuke leaned closer. "At least he's still breathing. I didn't hit him that hard.did I?"  
  
Kurama also leaned closer. "This boy is strange. He has an abnormally large amount of spirit-energy, but can only tap into a minimal amount of it. Even that much requires the help of his wand."  
  
Yuusuke looked concerned. "Let me guess. It's because of that stupid scar, right?" Harry couldn't stand it any longer. "My scar is not stupid!" He yelled. Or rather, tried to. All that got out was "Muh." Damn. During Harry's frantic battle with the spoken word, Kurama had launched into some long-winded scientific explanation detailing all the ways Harry was a screw- up. Once his heartbeat returned to normal, he focused on Kurama's voice. ".Our friend Harry has none of these qualities." Hiei snorted, fed up with waiting, and kicked Harry in the shin. "Wake up you oaf! You have a lot of training to do."  
  
Harry sat up groggily. "Not from you, ankle biter. I still have my dignity. I've seen house elves with more talent!"  
  
In the blink of an eye, Harry was staring cross-eyed at the cold steel of Hiei's katana as it threatened his jugular. "Saviour or not, he dies now!"  
  
Kurama called out in alarm. "Hiei! No! Please?" Hiei didn't move. The jagan eye beneath his bandana began to glow. "You won't be the boy who lived much longer!" Kurama definitely sounded panicked now: "Hiei! He's all that keeps the universe in balance!"  
  
Hiei growled. "Fuck you Kurama," But he slowly sheathed his sword. Harry gently reminded his heart to start beating again. Kurama gave a relieved sigh. "Certainly Hiei, but not in front of the boys."  
  
Both Yuusuke and Harry retaliated with indignant shouts: "Hey, I'm just as old as you are!" or in Harry's case an unintelligible "Arrrrrr.."  
  
Yuusuke grumbled. "Shit Hiei. If you killed him, all our asses would be fried!" Hiei responded by launching himself at Yuusuke's face. Knowing they could handle each other, Kurama turned towards the window. After a few seconds, he paled. "Um, Harry?"  
  
"What Kurama?" Harry pushed his glasses up his nose.  
  
"Your uncle appears to be home. Perhaps we'd better relocate."  
  
OOC: Bunny helped with this one. :P  
  
Note to Bunny: My handwriting may be crap, but it's better than your spelling! ^.^ 


	4. Uncle Vernon

"YOU'RE DEAD BOY!!!!!!!" Apparently, Uncle Vernon had discovered the hole in his house. More appropriately, what used to be his house. Only Harry's bedroom remained in decent shape. The kitchen, however, was in pristine condition. Yuusuke definitely had his priorities straight.  
  
"..shit." Harry mumbled. "It's been nice knowing you guys." Downstairs, Uncle Vernon rampaged around like a hippo that just realized someone had stolen its Eggo waffles. Yuusuke paled, but shook his head, determined. "It's not over yet. Harry, stick with Kurama. Hiei, get his stuff." Hiei started to argue, but Yuusuke gave him a glare that plainly said: I could crush you, little man. Hiei decided to save his complaints for a time when Yuusuke was looking less homicidal, and zipped off, hurriedly stuffing Harry's things, including Hedwig, into a large wooden trunk.  
  
Dragged along by Kurama, Harry wondered out loud: "Where are we going?" Kurama whispered back "No time." Harry was confused, but as they reached the head of the stairs, he understood why. Uncle Vernon was standing at the foot of the stairs, one of his ancient hunting rifles pointed straight at them. "Rose Whip!" Kurama commanded, drawing a rose form his hair. Harry watched, amazed, as the stem extended and wrapped itself around the barrel of Uncle Vernon's gun, wrenching it from his grasp. It hovered in the air a second, then fell, hitting Uncle Vernon squarely on the head. Uncle Vernon crumpled slowly to the ground, clearly unconscious. "What kind of fertilizer does he use?" Harry wondered, as he slid down the banister. So engrossed in his vision of man eating plants, Harry didn't notice the knob at the end of the banister until it slammed, full force, into his groin. He let out a shriek inaudible to human ears, making Kurama wince and cover his ears. Hiei, passing by with Harry's trunk effortlessly balanced on one palm, slapped Harry upside the head, forcing his torso further into the decorative protuberance. Harry moaned and toppled sideways.  
  
"Hiei!" Kurama scolded. Hiei shrugged. "Sorry. It was so easy. He's too weak." Yuusuke appeared in the doorway, mildly angry. "It appears you guys are having fun. Now come on!" Picking up the still spasming Harry, he turned and walked out. With identical unhappy sighs, Hiei and Kurama followed him out.  
  
Heh. That wasn't very funny. Gomen. Oh well, I'll try to make up for it in the next chapter! 


	5. Escape

Harry stared around the dark dirty alley he and the three Japanese boys were currently standing in. "Where are we going?" He asked, not liking the idea of being in an abandoned place with Hiei, who claimed killing him would end all his problems. Yuusuke shrugged. "Kurama's house always has food."  
  
"Baka!" Hiei snarled, "Kurama's house is in Japan! We're in England." Yuusuke blinked at him, not seeing the problem. "So?" Kurama looked around, ignoring his two bickering friends, then marched forwards and created what seemed to be a portal. As the red-head prepared to enter the portal, which Harry had dubbed 'The Swirling Vortex of Terror,' Botan appeared. "Hi!" She chirped.  
  
Hiei scowled in her general direction. "Hn." Harry, on the other hand, jumped in absolute terror into Yuusuke's arms, where he was unceremoniously dumped to the ground. "My ass!" Harry complained, inspecting it for damage.  
  
"Are all wizards this flamboyantly gay?" Yuusuke grumbled, averting his eyes. "I bet it's that stupid scar." Harry climbed to his feet, ass worries forgotten. "My scar is not stupid!" He screamed, causing Kurama to cover his ears and wince, yet again. "Please keep your protests to a normal human level!" He snapped. Harry sniffled and petulantly flipped his hair, then wondered why exactly he was suddenly acting like a rabid cheerleader. He chocked it up to hormones and left it alone.  
  
Yuusuke ignored Harry's sudden femininity and addressed Botan "What are you doing here?" He snapped. Seeing Botan always brought back unpleasant memories of being dead. "Don't be rude Yuusuke." A voice snapped from behind Botan.  
  
"Crap, it's Koenma." Yuusuke swore. Kurama stood at attention, and even Hiei appeared respectful. Harry gawked as a toddler approximately a quarter of his height stepped into view. He burst out laughing, missing the warning glares launched at him from everyone else. "You're afraid of a baby? Ha! And you call me a pansy? Oh god, that's rich. Look Hiei, he's shorter than you are!" His laughter was cut short as he found his larynx stuck between a rock and a hard place (i.e. The greasy pavement of the alley and Hiei's foot.)  
  
"You oaf," Hiei addressed him coldly, "That is the Lord Koenma, the lord of the underworld. Your fate is in his hands, not to mention the souls of your parents and godfather. I'd suggest you try to act intelligent, but I know that's hard." With that, he stepped back, leaving Harry to face the wrath of the Lord Koenma.  
  
"You there, Prostrated One! Come here!" Koenma demanded imperiously, a real feat for someone two foot five. Harry inched forward on his hands and knees. "Yes Mighty Lord Koenma? What can I do for you?" Keeping his eyes downcast, he missed the mocking smirk that passed from Kurama to Hiei to Yuusuke and back again. The look was not lost on Koenma, and he winked at them before continuing: "There appears to be a spot on my boot," He observed conversationally, shoving his miniscule boot in Harry's face. "Could you clean it for me?" He started to produce a cloth, but Harry's overzealous tongue had already begun. In a matter of seconds Koenma's boot was covered with a shiny layer of Harry's saliva.  
  
Koenma gasped, horrified. "You're just sick. No wonder people are trying to kill you!" Gingerly removing his boot, he chucked it with astonishing force out of the alleyway, where it immediately killed a passing tourist. Balancing precariously on one foot, Koenma directed the portal to "Number Twelve Grimmauld Place" before toppling over.  
  
Yuusuke, Kurama and Hiei stepped through, followed momentarily by a reluctant Harry, propelled by a whack from Botan's oar. Watching the portal close, Botan sighed, depressed. "The world is doomed isn't it, sir?"  
  
Koenma also sighed. "It would seem so, Botan. It would seem so."  
  
Sirius, Lily and James watched Harry as he was forced through the portal. They were perched on Koenma's desk, watching his uber-special spy TV.  
  
"What an idiot." James remarked, causing Lily to shove him off the edge of the desk. "He gets it from your side!" She declared. During the pair's scuffling, Sirius's attention remained fixed on the scene in front of him. Harry was now being chastised and once again examining his ass. Sirius sighed. "It's a good thing we're already dead." He said finally. Lily smacked him too. "I'm sure it's just a phase.I hope."  
  
Author's Notes: ~Bunny helped a lot on this chapter. Thanks! Mayhap I will not mock you as much? .Nah. ~Sirius, Lily and James popped into my head and won't go away. *whimpers* So bear with me, they'll be appearing again.  
  
Harry: It's so great to know my family believes in me.  
  
Yuusuke: At least yours is watching *points to Atsuko*  
  
Atsuko: *incredibly drunk* Mr. Weasel! Come Baaaaack!  
  
Kuwabara: I'm not even sure I have parents. *ponders*  
  
Hiei: Mine threw me off a cliff.  
  
Kurama: Mine thinks my name is Suuichi. *shudder*  
  
Harry: Suuichi! Hahahahaha!  
  
Hiei: *glowers*...*slicesliceslice* Hn.  
  
Harry: x.x 


	6. Harry, the wimp

Harry once again fell on his ass as a way of landing. He could practically feel his three companions laughing at him. "We're not your companions." Hiei growled suddenly, somehow knowing what Harry was thinking. "We're being forced to help you."  
  
Yuusuke turned around and glared at Harry, until Harry finally finished his ass checkup and clambered to his feet. By then, Hiei and Kurama had wandered off to find a private room. (Read: Kurama flung Hiei over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and pranced away.)  
  
A random scream from the end of the otherwise empty hallway made itself known as Harry was attacked by something with red hair. Yuusuke quickly back-pedaled, not wanting to be infected with whatever it was. He soon realized it was simply a hyperactive teenage boy. "Not gay, my ass." He snorted, turning away to find the kitchen. "It must be that stupid scar."  
  
Harry, somehow picking up on this latest of insults screamed after the retreating Yuusuke: "IT'S NOT STUPID!"  
  
At long last, Ron's painful welcome noogie was over, and Harry pulled away to massage his throbbing scalp. Little chunks of black hair fluttered to the ground like snow from hell. He attempted to disguise his tears of humiliation as laughter, failing miserably as he choked out "Ron! I see you've grown wimpier!"  
  
Ron grinned. "Yeah right, pasty boy." He flexed a strong looking muscle in his bicep. "I bet you can't take me."  
  
Looking down at his own non-existent bicep, Harry opted for a quick way out of another potentially painful situation. "Damn right I can't! But I can still kick your ass when it comes to hexes!"  
  
Ron drew his wand. "We'll see about that!" He muttered a few words under his breath. Harry grunted as the hex hit him, muttering a sound resembling "Yargablargschwa!" as his legs literally turned to jelly.  
  
Mrs. Weasley dropped out of the ceiling, dustrag in hand, muttering something about why you shouldn't trust arm chairs, and gave Harry's doubled up form a pat on the back before heading back upstairs. "Place nice boys!" She called as she disappeared around a corner. "Play nice boys!" a nearby end table mimicked her in a mocking voice. Harry coughed. "I hate this house."  
  
Yuusuke, having exhausted the possibilities of the kitchen, wandered back into the foyer. He had a plate of something grey and mushy in his hand. "Mmf! This is delicious! What is it?" He took a huge bite. Harry smiled. "Moody's haggis. A Scottish dish, consisting of a sheep's intestines boiled within its own stomach."  
  
Yuusuke blanched. "..ew." A brief silence ensued. Then Yuusuke gave a shrug and walked off, taking another bite as he went. Ron watched him go with wide eyes. "Who's that, Harry?"  
  
Harry's mind raced. He couldn't tell Ron the truth. "Uh.exchange student." He offered lamely.  
  
Ron's eyes widened in surprise "Your uncle let you host an exchange student?"  
  
"Not really, he just kinda showed up.."  
  
Ron, perturbed, left it at that. "Harry, does he know you're a wizard?"  
  
"Kinda."  
  
Ron was definitely interested now. "What's he going to do when you go back to Hogwarts?"  
  
Somehow this delicious little tidbit of information had completely missed Harry. No doubt it had been explained, but most likely Harry had not been paying attention, or he was unconscious. "I dunno."  
  
Ron laughed. "Harry, you're really pathetic. You could at least try teaching him English so we could understand him." He gave his friend a hearty pat on the back, causing Harry to fly, ass first, into the mocking end table, which complained loudly. "Shove off, wanker!" It bellowed woodily.  
  
Ron turned to go upstairs. "Tell your Chinese friend to was up soon, dinner's in fifteen minutes." 


	7. Number 12 Grimmauld Place

Disclaimer Update! I still don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. Why, you ask? Let's just say that I blame it on the walrus. Once Harry's breathing had returned to normal after the table encounter, (the table won), he wandered upstairs to find Yuusuke. "What did Ron mean about teaching him English? I understand him just fine!"  
  
But Harry didn't find Yuusuke. He found Hiei. Who didn't look particularly happy to be found. Hiei was being stalked by Kurama. He would have said something about this, if not for the fact that Hiei was glaring at him as though wishing his untimely demise. That and the fact that Kurama had just pounced and was basically the only thing keeping Hiei from killing Harry himself.  
  
Harry, doing his best ignore the giggles, moans, curses and other sounds that could prove catastrophic to his sanity, did the macho thing. He turned on his heel and ran off down the corridor, conveniently blocked out the entire incident.  
  
Luckily, Harry stumbled upon Yuusuke in the kitchen, eating one of the few desserts to be found. "What language are you speaking?" He demanded,stomping his foot. "English, right?"  
  
Yuusuke snorted, putting down whatever dessert he had been eating. "Yeah, like I stayed in school long enough to learn English. I'm lucky I can read."  
  
Harry's already frazzled brain couldn't quite cope with this new information. It hastily put up a "Back in Five Minutes" sign and departed. The last thing Harry heard as he blacked out was "And the stupid scar takes effect yet again."  
  
Harry was prodded back to consciousness by Mrs. Weasley's foot. "Don't lie on the kitchen floor, Harry. It's only been lceaned twice today." She wandered off to tend to the soup pots, which were trying to master a particularly complex four-part Italian aria.  
  
Yuusuke peered at him from atop a freezer. "Geez, that lady's scary! I thought she was going to run you over with that killer vacuum cleaner of hers."  
  
The vacuum cleaner rumbled from its corner. Yuusuke retreated further back on the freezer. "And it doesn't help she doesn't speak Japanese. I asked for a glass of water earlier and she boxed my ears and gave me a dustrag." He shook his head, perplexed.  
  
Harry stood up, wobbling slightly. "I don't speak Japanese!"  
  
Yuusuke shrugged. "Whatever."  
  
"Dinner's ready!" Called a voice from the dining room, and Harry was crushed by the sudden flood of apparating wizards. "Sorry, old chap!" Apologized an extremely large wizard in a lime green leisure suit as he extracted Harry from his leg fat. Yuusuke watched in amazement as wizard after wizard crammed into the dining room. Somehow, through some bend in the space-time fabric, they all fit. Harry, fighting his way through the surging tide of blubber, called up to Yuusuke: "I suppose you'd rather eat in the kitchen?"  
  
Yuusuke only nodded as the largest wizard of all squeezed his way through the door and sat in an occupied seat, landing with the force of a medium- sized H bomb. A brief, strangled scream and the sickening crunch of bones confirmed the fate of the chair's previous occupant.  
  
Spring into action as the house elves began to serve, Harry froze a house elf, grabbed the four plates it was carrying, and bounded back towards Yuusuke. The house elf gave a brief squawk before being trampled by its cohorts.  
  
"Here," Harry panted, handing Yuusuke three plates, "We'll save these 2 for Hiei and Kurama when they show up." Yuusuke was only able to stare, the aftershock of seeing Harry actually do something temporarily frying his brain.  
  
"Harry?" Yuusuke managed finally. He was cut off by a metal utensil shoved in the general direction of his face.  
  
"Spork?" Harry offered. Yuusuke eyed it suspiciously as Harry began to eat.  
  
"No chopsticks?" Yuusuke asked, eyeing the spork with distaste. Harry shook his head, sending stew everywhere.  
  
"Get used to it."  
  
Yuusuke gave a sigh, picked up the spork, and awkwardly began to eat. Kurama and Hiei walked in, attracted by the smell of food, took one look at Yuusuke's failing battles with Western utensils, and gave identical smirks. The walked towards Harry and Yuusuke, mocking him as they pulled out pairs of chopsticks, picked up bowls and began to eat. Yuusuke glared at them and slurped loudly, just to make a point. Harry chose this moment to begin mocking Yuusuke.  
  
Ron peered in worried, as the quartet, arguing in Japanese, took turns shoving Harry's face into a bowl of steaming stew. "What a wanker." He sighed, before diving into the dining room to fight the masses for his dinner. 


	8. Diagon Alley

DISCLAIMER: Don't own it. because if I did own it, do you think I'd waste my time writing crappy fanfiction about it? Really now. This story contains fluff, silliness and general stupidity, as well as character assassination on most HP characters. Flames will be admired and pinned up on the refrigerator.  
  
This is probably the last chapter posted for a while. Why? Simply because it's not worth my time. However, if I find out that people actually read this, I will continue to post chapters. You review, I type up. Fair exchange, no?  
  
Harry awoke several days later to Ron landing on his bed with the force of a small explosion.  
  
"Wake up Harry!" He yelled happily, voice temporarily reverting to its pre- pubescent squeakiness. "We're going to Diagon Alley today!"  
  
Harry dragged himself out of bed, feeling the ache of every joint. His current discomfort, as well as several large bruises, could be attributed as much to Ron's consistent violent wake up calls, as well as Yuusuke's daily pummeling sessions that he preferred to call "training."  
  
"Whoop-dee-freakin-doo." Harry mumbled as he began to dress, slipping into a pair of clean-ish boxers as the door exploded open.  
  
"Hey Harry!" Yuusuke bellowed as he bounded into Harry's bedroom. "D'you have any socks I can borrow?"  
  
Harry, one leg in his boxers, lost his balance and toppled over with an eep. "Top drawer," Harry replied, blushing furiously from his prone position on the floor.  
  
Yuusuke opened said drawer, and selected the least rancid pair he could find before bounding out again, tossing a "Thanks!" back over his shoulder. Harry finished dressing quickly, keeping one eye trained on the door, wary of further interruptions. And wary for a good reason, for just as he was finishing up, Kurama poked his head into the room. Harry blinked in surprise, then pointed and screamed at an abnormally high pitched level that could only be heard by dogs, foxes, and the occasional odd Yuoko.  
  
Kurama winced, his hands slapping over his ears in an attempt to block out the ungodly sound. Hiei, passing by, darted into the room as a black blur and kicked Harry in the gut.  
  
"Shut your trap – baka." The small one growled, effectively shutting the wizard up. "We're leaving now. You missed breakfast. If you whine, I'll kill you."  
  
Harry eeped, scared into complacency by the homicidal look in Hiei's eye, and ran from the room, colliding with Ron in the corridor. "Next stop, Diagon Alley!" His friend grinned, slapping Harry on the back, and sending him, once again, into a very fed up end table. Harry groaned, watching warily as Hiei exited his bedroom, once again being stalked by Kurama. The latter was staring at the smaller's ass with an almost territorial glare.  
  
The group trooped down towards the main fireplace, where Harry briefly explained the ins and outs of floo powder. "Speak clearly, and don't sneeze." Harry directed, remembering his past experiences "Try not to explode anything, and don't take anything someone offers you outside the apothecary."  
  
Kurama's eyes widened in joy. "An apothecary! I wonder if they have tincture of..." He rambled on, oblivious to the fact that no one neither knew nor cared what he was talking about.  
  
Hiei went first, chucking a fistful of floo powder in the fire before diving in, rejoicing in his natural element. "Diagon Alley!" he called in badly accented English, disappearing in a puff of eerie purple smoke. Yuusuke went next, then Kurama, and finally Harry.  
  
They all reappeared in Diagon, sans Hiei. "Don't worry about him." Yuusuke said dismissively.  
  
"Look Harry! A Chudley Cannons sale!" Ron shrieked, pointing. Indeed, in the center of the square, members of the unfortunate Quidditch team were being auctioned off to the highest bidder, which appeared to be a three year old with a single silver sickle. "Cheap! Useful!" proclaimed a sign hovering above their heads. Ron wandered off to ogle and drool. Kurama had long since disappeared into the apothecary. Yuusuke looked over at Harry, bored. Harry sighed. "I guess you're coming to Gringotts with me?" Yuusuke nodded, and the two set off.  
  
One hell of a catacombs ride later, the two emerged from Gringotts. Yuusuke looked no worse for the wear and bore a triumphant grin. Harry, however, looked like he had been hit by a cyclone of decaying cats. His hair stuck out at odd angles and his skin had an unhealthy greenish tint. He spoke through gritted teeth: "Last time I let you drive. You should have listened to that goblin."  
  
Yuusuke shrugged. "Meh. I had fun." Harry shuddered again and readied himself to pass out once again. However, the timely arrival of a certain know-it-all bushy haired girl prevented it. It was lucky that Kurama wasn't anywhere in the general vicinity, because the combined squealing of Harry and the girl, Hermione Granger, would have burst his eardrums a hundred times over.  
  
As it was Yuusuke abandoned all dignity and fled to nearby Knockturn Alley for protection. The eerie silence soothed his frazzled nerves almost immediately. That fragile calm was shattered almost immediately by the creepy sensation of being watched. Yuusuke looked about him, curious. Haggard faces stared out at him from grime covered windows. He cracked his knuckles loudly, challenging all comers. "I'm ready to kick some ass. It's been too long since I've had a decent workout."  
  
To his great disappointment, only one figure appeared. Yuusuke lowered his fist. "Hullo Hiei."  
  
"Hn." Hiei acknowledged him. He was carrying a large suspicious looking package under one arm. Yuusuke eyed it, curious, but since he knew Hiei, he didn't even bother to ask. Like as not, he'd probably get a leg broken for his troubles. Hiei, ignoring Yuusuke's curiosity, gestured towards Diagon Alley. "You think they're done yet?"  
  
A high-pitched squeal answered their question. Yuusuke sighed. "Apparently not." The two headed back into Diagon Alley, skirting the edge of the main street, intent on finding the apothecary, and by association, Kurama.  
  
Their course was diverted by Hiei's discovery of Florian Fortesque's Ice Cream Parlor. "Sweet snow!" he cried, pulling Yuusuke towards the entrance with the gravitational force of a small planet. "I hope you brought money!" he growled, looking at Yuusuke expectantly.  
  
"In a manner of speaking..." Yuusuke grinned, producing a handful of Knuts, Sickles, and Galleons, stolen from Harry's vault. "The little one....is like a penny...." He muttered, trying to remember the values.  
  
Hiei hurriedly snatched them out of Yuusuke's hand. "Who cares? Sweet Snow!" With that, he marched inside and demanded three of each flavor from a frightened server.  
  
Yuusuke came up behind him, looking amused. "Uh, Hiei? We aren't in Japan. She can't understand you." He struggled to remember the basic English grammar Harry had been teaching him. He addressed the server: "Ice cream...three each...type. Please?"  
  
"Three of each type?" She asked, incredulous, looking around at the 46 flavors they stocked. Yuusuke nodded, pleased to be understood.  
  
Hiei grinned in anticipation. "Sweet Snow!" He beamed. Coming next chapter! (if it ever gets typed up) ~Kurama meets Hermione ~Two major characters temporarily melt into puddles ~Hiei gets his ice cream ~Kurama and Yuusuke struggle with English. Hiei just reads minds. (  
  
Yes, all this and more in action packed chapter nine!  
  
R/R! I'm not a review whore, really. . 


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